just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
