just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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