she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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