I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
