no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
