She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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