Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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