Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
