Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
