did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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