So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
