So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
