if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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