I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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