she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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