Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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