You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
