It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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