i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
okay pat passed out under dana's car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
