i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
