I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
