You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
