I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
