my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
