they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
