We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
