youre lurking in front of me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sobbing to NWA
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
