i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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