You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
