Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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