My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
