So drunk its hurt
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
