Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
