I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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