You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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