You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
