Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
