Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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