Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
