He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
