Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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