I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
