There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
