I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
