Pants 0. Shit 1.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
