I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
