ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
