I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
