I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
