We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
