your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
