I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
