Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
