thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
