And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
