so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
