the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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