Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
